Park Hopping

Ethan and I spent the whole weekend hopping from one park to another, enjoying the warm weather--finally! The park is a fun place for both of us. He gets to play with other kids and I get to meet other Moms. It's also a sad place for me. I'm usually surrounded by pregnant bellies and Ethan's friends have younger siblings playing nearby. He is getting to the age where his friends have a younger sibling and sometimes one more on the way. Sometimes we come home and he tells me that he wants a brother and sister...he usually asks for both!

In Boston, I also meet other families with one child, but mostly by choice. But today I met a Mom with one child who eventually told me he was adopted. She had also undergone extensive fertility treatment and finally decided that wasn't the way they wanted to build their family. I felt very grateful. She asked me how I had Ethan and I smiled and said, "He is my little miracle." I often think about this....think about how blessed I am to have one natural born child and how blessed I am to be a mother. God knows I would have poured all that nurturing love into multiple pets had He not given us a child. :)

Tonight I looked through pictures that my friend took when Ethan was about 2 weeks old. The pictures make me so happy....they also give me a lump in my throat and a tight feeling in my chest as I wonder if and when I'll get to enjoy that newborn stage again. Tomorrow I'll have a lot more testing done...I'm dreading it but I'm ready to cross this bridge. Unknowns and unmet expectations are very difficult, but learning to savor what we do have is a beautiful way to walk through life. I'm certainly trying.