Timing...God's timing...our timing. Time. Outside of time. Constrained by time. Waiting on the right time. What is the right time? Do we get to choose the time? Who is in control of time? Timing.
If you've ever waited on anything in your life...and if you're a breathing human being, you have...time is like the heart beat of life, and yet, like our own heart beat, we have very little control over it. What control we do have, I sometimes wonder if it is more illusion than reality. We all want to feel in control and we certainly try our hardest to manipulate the constraints of time, but do we really succeed?
I realize there are women reading my blog that don't believe in God. I can only talk about my experiences through my own filters. God has never been so strangely absent and so vividly present in my life as He has been in the area of my fertility. I like this Beth Moore definition of Providence: "As times when God trumps your perfectly good plan with one of His own...then seems to disappear from it. He's right there and He's there right. He is never more present than when He is strangely absent."
I believe in a God who is bigger than time and yet works within and without it. I believe He doesn't waste time while I'm waiting. I believe He's behind the scenes orchestrating everything in my life to accomplish His greater purposes. I'm not afraid of this because I know that He is good. Do I understand how he works and why I have to wait? No.
Beth says, "I don't know exactly how God perfects plans that seem so bleak to us in process, but these two things I do know: He never takes His eyes off of us or off the clock ticking over us." He is hard at work in your life, and the same eye that is on the sparrow is on the wristwatch."
"God created time, and no human can take it from Him or use it against Him. Time is significant to God mostly because His children who are temporarily bound by its tenets are significant to God. Every man-scheduled date subjected upon one of his children is written, not just on a doctor's calendar...It is written on God's...trust that time is God's alone to give."
Tick tock... tick tock. Resting in His peace and trusting that He is well aware of my biological clock.
Hi Kait! Wow, this blog is so incredible and I am very proud to know and love such an extraordinary young woman. I don't even know where to start, you have shared so many wonderful, and heartfelt insights. Thank-you for being so open and honest as you share your heart, your hopes and dreams, joys and disapointments. This is such a great encouragement. Thank-you for handling this delicate matter so sensitively, and graciously, and helping others of us to do likewise, as best we can. My dear young friend, we love you, and miss you!
ReplyDeleteI also write the way I speak and I feel as if, having read through your whole blog over the past hour, that we've just had one amazing conversation together. As merely a friend of a friend, I had absolutely no idea that we have been on such a similar journey and I am so honored that you would share your story.
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