Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Teetering on the Balance Beam

There are a lot of lessons to learn down the path of infertility, but one in particular has allowed me to live with greater freedom emotionally.


My husband and I have always taken the position that infertility cannot rule our life. This is more complicated than one might think. Not only do you have the ever-ticking biological clock in the form of your menstrual cycle monthly, there are also lots of reminders throughout the month. And if you're doing treatment, then you have blood work that has to happen on certain days of your cycle, injections, ultrasounds, etc. etc. NOT to mention, trying to time your intimate moments around ovulation or for sperm tests and IUIs. It all becomes very complicated and VERY much on your mind....daily. The harder you try not to think about it, the more it won't leave your thoughts!

In a lot of ways, doing nothing to treat infertility and just waiting for a miracle, is easier. I've done both. There have been many months that I couldn't do anything due to financial restraints, insurance, moving etc. I personally find both doing "nothing" and doing "something" to be difficult in different ways. So I'm not claiming in this post to have arrived at perfect balance, but we have learned to make decisions apart from my infertility. We try to see the big picture in any given situation and do what's best for everyone involved, regardless of the state of my womb.

I had been looking forward to getting some more answers this month, but thanks to my period arriving when it does, I'm going to have to skip all the tests this cycle. This month, I'm going to take care of my emotional health first by doing some travel to see family and friends and attending a seminar called FOCUS. I know very little about it, so I'll have to fill in details later. What I do know, is that this opportunity was handed to me and I decided the timing was perfect to take it. I've made similar decisions over the last 3 years of "trying," whether it was to travel to see family, be a bridesmaid in my cousin's wedding, or take care of moving details....life happens. We try not to bend over backwards and do anything extraordinary that would make our life more stressful in the already stressful process of making a baby.

I've read similar thoughts from other infertility bloggers. Some point out the need to look at all aspects of making your life healthy and not develop tunnel vision about your infertility. If I consume myself with trying to make something happen without taking the time to savor all aspects of my life, I'll lose some of my sanity along this journey.

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