Sunday, April 10, 2011

My Top 10 List of Actual Conversations (and the replies in my head)

Some people have complimented my writing. I am not a writer. My spelling is atrocious--if not for the saving grace of the spell checker; my punctuation doesn't follow any rule book and my sentences run-on as testimony to the fact that I'm a talker, not a writer. I can talk. I type the conversation I'm having in my head. What I type, is what I think. Occasionally I throw in some periods, commas, and semi-colons just for the heck of it. Don't ask me to write formally or follow any sort of grammar or punctuation rules, and don't ask me to stay within the confines a certain writing style. This is a one style kind of girl...."conversational." period.

I am also a type A personality list-maker, so I can write a list.

Top 10 Things You Should Refrain From Saying to Any Couple--With or Without Children:

1) "So, don't you think it's about time to think about starting a family." (thank you, we've been MORE than thinking about it for YEARS now)
2) "Don't you think he needs a little brother or sister?"  (thank you, If he NEEDS it, then my God will surely provide it.)
3) "You know, this is why it's good for children to have they can learn how to share. ;)" (thank you, I try to teach my child to share with me and his friends...I'll try harder)
4) "Maybe you just need some more time with your husband" (NEVER, EVER, EVER infer that a couple isn't having quality or quantity in their sex life. STAY AWAY from their sex life. Thank you rude person, you have no idea, and I guarantee you don't want to know, how often we try to a make a baby)
5) (to husbands) Try to refrain from saying that you "enjoy the practice"...your precious wife stopped enjoying "the practice" 3 months into trying to conceive...maybe even 3 days in.
6) all time favorite...."Ya'll better get busy working on number 14 cuz you wouldn't want your in-laws to have an odd number of grand-kids, now would ya?!" (Speechless, I was utterly speechless)
7) "Don't you want more kids? When are you going to start thinking about #2?" (thank you, I started thinking about #2 miracle when I was carrying #1 miracle)
8) "You know, you don't have forever, it's good to have children when you're young and you can keep up with their energy level." (thank you. I quit being able to go down a slide years before my biological clock started running out...but I do manage to play on the floor from time to time...I'll keep up with my exercise video)
9) "How many kids do you want?" 8. "Oh my, that would be really hard to travel with that many and you wouldn't be able to give them nice things." (thank you. I've had enough travel for a lifetime. Why don't you get off the couch yourself?)
10) (Dedicated to my friends that have had 4 kids in the span of 5 years) "Are you trying to keep up with the Dugger family? You know there are natural methods of birth control if you're scared of taking drugs." (thank you. Just stop now. Those women are more blessed than you know...I would love to be barefoot and pregnant for 10 solid years. God bless them as they struggle through each day, pouring out their lives for the sake of bringing light, love, and hope into this world.)

And lest you think I'm being too harsh. I have been guilty of asking too many questions....until those questions were directed at my empty womb. We all learn different social graces at different times in our's a chance to learn a few more.

1 comment:

  1. I had a lovely conversation with my mother in law once where she asked, "have you ever tried elevating your hips after intercourse?" I don't think I've ever wanted to crawl into a hole so badly in my life. I actually just turned into this grossed out teenager and as politely as I could, asked her to please never say the word "intercourse" to me again, or ask about our sex life at all for that matter. She now uses our infertility as a jumping off point for more than half the conversations we have.

    I am so very glad that I decided to see what your blog was about. I remember that terrifying and yet liberating feeling of finally telling people, no it's not school we're waiting on, it's God.