Saturday, July 16, 2011

Summer Reading

I ordered a couple books and the first one arrived today. It's kinda funny that I was really excited to get a book about infertility in the mail! I've decided that the better informed I am about my situation, the more confident I will feel going forward with treatment. Well, let's just say that my child was under-supervised today as I could hardly put the book down. It's called, Conquering Infertility: Dr. Alice Domar's Mind/Body Guide to Enhancing Fertility and Coping with Infertility.

I have to admit that the title turned me off a bit but it was highly recommended on Resolve's website. I basically just chose the books that are up for awards this year as there are so many written on the topic, I didn't know where to begin! I was blogging in my head all afternoon but I'm kinda blank at the moment. As I digest these books I'm sure I'll have plenty to share!

One thing that really struck a cord with me was her research that the peak of infertility related depression often happens around 2 to 3 years of trying to conceive. This was certainly the case with me, both when I was trying to conceive Ethan (going into the second year being the most difficult) and definitely in the 3 years we've been trying for a second child. I feel like I am now over that peak and FINALLY at a place of real peace and contentment about not having anymore children. But I'm not so far removed from the days where I couldn't think about anything else, that I can't go back and capture some of that journey. One of the recommended therapies is journaling and that is how I'm going to look at this blog from here on purging of all things great and small on my road to acceptance and hope.

I've truly savored each day with Ethan and the ache has lifted...but even in the last 6 months of relaxing and not striving to get pregnant, still nothing. Many, many people have told me that it would happen when we got settled, when I stopped trying, when we moved to Boston, when we moved back to Israel, when we traveled to Israel, when I was less stressed, etc. etc. And while I do appreciate their attempts to encourage, the reality is that none of us knows when we'll have more children. And that's okay. There is no need to make predictions. Just stay with me on my journey.

Another point the author made was how much more successful women were at getting pregnant when they had great support systems, whether it be from family, an infertility support group, or close friends. I thought about how I wished I had reached out sooner. That now I have so many people praying for us and sending their love....I needed that desperately a year ago and two years ago...but then again, not very many people can understand why you would want another child so soon after your first! And I will note here that there were friends who have supported me all along my "journey of desire"...but that's a whole other blog!

Tonight at the park I overheard Ethan talking with another little boy while they both "inspected" a doll lying on a bench. Ethan said, "Do you have a little baby?" and then he said, "I'm going to have a boy and a girl baby!" hahahahha Thank you Caillou (PBS children's program) for planting ideas in his head!

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