Back a few years ago when I was reaching out into the blogosphere for infertility support, I hated infertility blogs that had morphed into parenting or follow-my-family-blogs.
I avoided them.
On the one hand, it was encouraging to read stories about treatments that had worked and miracles that had happened; but on the other, my heart ached for all those for whom nothing worked....including the 2 years I had already spent with failed treatment. I didn't want to see cute little twin pictures and watch their children grow. It's hard to be happy for other's blessings when you're stuck trying to accept your own circumstances.
And I judged those blogs....why did you waste time crying and striving for a family when clearly your 5 kids were right around the corner? That judgement held me back from reaching out and sharing my own struggles, afraid I would look silly if I ever did have a big family. And then, one day, I just burst...my heart just spilled out and I wrote my first blog, Breaking My Silence
And here I am today, my blog morphing into this next chapter of my life...parenting these "littles" (the small people I'm surrounded with daily) with no babysitter, nanny or grandparents in sight!
I'm going to struggle with my blog because I feel insensitive for sharing my happy family when I still have so many friends waiting for just one child. I could create a whole new blog...But I want to accept that although I will always be able to empathize with those who are told they will have trouble conceiving, those people may not be my audience anymore. Like the blogs I avoided, I will completely understand.
Now, more than ever, I want to write for my children. I want to write to encourage fellow moms. I want to write to help myself grow and stretch in this very intense season of my life.
Once upon a time, I had the thought that God might take my longing and ache for more children and overwhelm me with them...and He did...it's a beautiful thing, worth writing about.
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